Guide To Imaginary Kosher Animals

I grew up in South Texas where the three main religions are Baptist, Catholic and other. So it took me quite a long time after moving to New York to grasp the entire “kosher” thing. Before I thought kosher meant a brand of pickle.

Over the years, I’ve had some wonderful discussions about what is, and is not, kosher. Like most gentiles, and I’ve got to think more than a few Jews, I don’t get it. Seems to every rule there is a conflicting counter rule and then there is the exception, and the translation error, and so on and so forth.

But for the chosen ones, it is important to know what you can, and cannot eat, even if it means confronting animals that may only live in the world of imagination.

Enter into the maw, Evil Monkey’s Guide to Kosher Imaginary Animals.

From the intro:

In honor of upcoming holidays like Passover, I thought I would ask Jeff’s better half, Ann VanderMeer, editor of Weird Tales , co-editor of New Weird and Steampunk, and a practicing Jew who teaches bat/bar mitzvah students, to give us an idea of which fantastical animals and beings would be kosher and which would not be kosher, in terms of gnawin’ off a bit o’ that. Answers below… - Evil Monkey

And I must say, what a fantastic resource for answering some of those difficult food questions, such as can I eat Brag (malevolent water horse) if I’m observing a kosher diet? The anwer: “Horses are not kosher, no matter how aquatic.”

Or, what if Blue Hill offers me organic Cornish Owl-Man? Well according to Leviticus 11:17, I’m not allowed to eat a bird of prey and the part man thing would make it cannibalism, so Cornish Owl-Man is out.

No doubt, Babbo will one day find Hoopoe on its menu (rooster-swallow-chicken-snake-goose-lobster-stag-fish hybrid). Because I don’t think Hoopoe is any more strange than calf’s brain. But I learned the Hooopoe’s snake and lobster parts would make the whole of it unkosher.

It would seem as though imaginary animals do not have much place in a kosher diet. But there is hope. Vegetable Lamb of Tartary? “Oh, absolutely kosher! Vegetables are kosher and lambs are kosher! Nice combination. How about some mint with that meal!”

Many thanks to Miss Ginsu for making this link available.