Cartoon Network Terrorizes Beantown

Boston officials succeeded in wasting millions of dollars and bringing their city a halt yesterday after police received tips of several unidentified devices planted throughout the city.

The devices turned out to be colorful art objects promoting a cartoon for adults called “Aqua Teen Hunger Force. Each device resembled a flat light-bright screen with white Christmas lights forming an outline of an alien giving the finger.

City officials who dispensed bomb squads and anti-terror units to retrieve the units — at least one of which was detonated — have now vowed to press charges against Turner Broadcasting, the cartoon’s distributor, for causing the city-wide panic. In addition, two marketers hired by the network to distribute the devices are now in custody and facing charges.

To be sure, cities have a duty to protect their residents and respond to tips. But was there a point when local military units stopped to consult classic urban insurgency textbooks?

When, for example, have bomb-makers in recent years stooped to placing Inspector Clouseau-like devices with looping wires and exposed batteries in conspicuous locations? (The Baader Meinhoff gang reportedly put C-4 explosive material in a rubber chicken.) Did police forensics experts suspect an illuminated flipping the bird had become a new jihad symbol for Gen-ex Islamic fundamentalists: “Here, this silly-looking alien is the last thing you infidels will see on earth! Take that!”

Just as absurd were the charges filed against Turner’s marketers. Protesters outside the Boston courthouse were the marketers were arraigned carried signs that read “1-31-07. Never Forget.”

The devices were clearly part of a publicity stunt aimed at promoting the cartoon — an irreverent saga about a talking milkshake, meatball and extra-large order of french fries who live together in New Jersey — instead of a hoax or false bomb threat, as the charges read.

What the incident suggests is that law enforcement has taken a looming fear in Iraq that any object could be an improvised exploding devices and transported it to downtown Boston — and potentially every other major city.