American Madness

Yesterday the Kansas school board proudly declared itself the most backward group of asses, blockheads, boobs, boobies, dimwits, dorks, dunces, dunderheads, fools, halfwits, ignoramuses, imbeciles, jackasses, jerks, kooks, meatheads, mental defectives, morons, nincompoops, ninnys, nitwits, pinheads, simpletons, tomfools, twits, and yo-yo’s.

I normally don’t resort to ad homonym attacks, however, since our friends in Kansas have thrown reason, science, and logic out the window, I figure why not just stick the whole thesaurus entry for idiot right in there.

To be fair, there were 4 dissenters in the 6-4 vote to include intelligent design in the Kansas curriculum.

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By Ben Munson

So Senator Jon Corzine is now Governor Jon Corzine. Looks like Doug Forrester’s “At least I’m not gay or divorced” tactic didn’t work. I think the Daily Kos crowd will proclaim this and the Democratic win in Virginia as further knives in the back of the Bush administration, but I’m not so sure. While Governors are important in solidifying electoral power for the executive branch, they’re not nearly as important as legislative inroads, and neither of these seats are gains for the Democrats, merely holds.

On the matter of Michael Bloomberg, let’s hope that he takes this victory not as a mandate to continue his policies unabated, but an opportunity to re-examine his way of doing things. The biggest thing I hope Mayor Bloomberg does is re-examine how people are supposed to survive in the city. The average price for buying an apartment now in New York is almost a million dollars. Even with the housing bubble, this is a ridiculous figure. The mayor has already mandated affordable housing be built by developers creating large developments - let’s hope he moves further in that direction. New York works best when everyone can afford to live there.

I’d love to buy a new laptop. I’ve got a decent job and some savings, and I am constantly writing, building websites, and playing with tech tools. It just makes sense for me to have a laptop. The only problem is that I’m cheap, and even more importantly, I hate to upgrade or switch technology when I don’t have to. My general philosophy is be happy with what you’ve got. This little nugget of wisdom has lead to more peace of mind and a better ability to deal with technology than any new gadget or software ever could.

I still use the G4 Mac that I bought over 5 years ago. I listen to a second generation Ipod. And, I take all my notes and organize my life on a $129 Zire 31 with a $59 wireless keyboard. The Zire with the keyboard is my $188 laptop. I’ve also got a Nikon digital camera and I upload my photos to Ophoto.com. What else do I need? Nothing.

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This essay at changethis is a startling picture of many of our lives: months of normalcy, even lethargy peppered by periods of intense creativity, sleepless nights, and ADHD-like concentration issues.

Hypomania (a less intense form of the nightmarish mania that manic-depressives experience) affects a large number of people in the US, and apparently appears in extremely high numbers among successful entrepreneurs. A slightly “amped up” version of the natural cycles we all experience.

For me, reading this essay was like looking in a mirror. I agree with the interviewees of the piece that while these hyper periods are slightly disconcerting, they can be extremely useful for actually getting stuff done. I’ve attempted (and eventually accomplished) more during these periods than at any other time in my life. This site, the GlitchCast, my Music, lex, and countless invention ideas have all come out of times when I’ve felt “rammy” (short for rambunctious, a phrase which I’ve used to describe the feeling for lack of a better word.)

So what do you think? Are you a Hypomanic American? Is it a blessing, or a diagnosis?

“This week on ‘The Apprentice,’ Martha Stewart teaches the kids how to
underreport their taxes…”

A recent throwaway joke on the late-night talkshow circuit, it’s also an
encouraging sign that office humor is back after a virtual five-year
absence.

There hasn’t been much to laugh about in the business world since the
technology bubble burst in March 2000.

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The Phone Companies, in response to inexpensive VOIP providers, have let
loose new promotions to regain your business. First, ?Verbs Are Free Day?,
where all calls are free, provided?.

Operator: Welcome to ?All Verbs Are Free? Day. Please proceed with your
call.

Person One: Greeting!

Person Two: Chillin?.

Person One : Drinkin?

Person Two: Drank, Drunk.

Person One: Cool!

Voice of Operator: That will be, 25 cents, for every non-verb.

Person One: What the f?(obscenity cut off by operator)

Operator: 75 cents.

Person One (very angry): Now wait a goddam?.

Operator: 75 cents.

Person Two: Hey, you said wait, wait is a verb.

Operator: One Dollar, and 50 cents.

Person One: Shit, hang up the phone before we?re broke.

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Are your radioactive Oysters not savory enough? Try a dash of nerve and mustard agents to spice things up. The Bradenton Herald reports:

The Army now admits that it secretly dumped 64 million pounds of nerve and mustard agents into the sea, along with 400,000 chemical-filled bombs, land mines and rockets and more than 500 tons of radioactive waste - either tossed overboard or packed into the holds of scuttled vessels.

Thankfully, this practice was ended in 1970, but these sobering statistics should make even the most rabid right wingers stop and think about the value of environmental protection and the disastrous effects of lax or non-existent EPA regulations. Politics aside, who the hell ever approved this program? What sick moron thought that dumping chemical weapons and radioactive materials off the U.S. coast was a good idea? I’ll let you know more when I find out.

Last week, a Senate committee approved legislation that would set the date for broadcasters to complete the switch from analog to digital signals to April 7, 2009. The conversion will free up radio spectrum for use by public safety agencies. This spectrum is vital for cities to manage large scale incidents like natural disasters or terrorist attacks. They were supposed to have it by 2006. The delay could prove deadly.

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I was in trouble today.

See, I was crossing the street at Times Square walking toward the Conde Nast building. Cool place, with a great cafeteria, where if you use your imagination, you would think the tofu squares in the salad actually taste like chicken.

I was early for my appointment, maybe a half hour or so. And when you are visiting a working journalist hot for deadline, you better be the Queen or a p0rn star (or both) if you want him to give up those precious thirty minutes.

Here?s the trouble: in New York City, when you need to take a leak, you are on your own. Maybe in Des Moines you could just walk into a restaurant and say howdy to the proprietor and use the loo. But in New York, you better buy something or sit down and be a customer if you want facilities at your disposal.
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