Off the Pigs!
Bumper Stickers
I love bumper stickers. While driving on the I-95 on the way to Hartford, I
will speed up in my ChevyMothra SUV to come within inches of the car in
front of me, just to gaze at its lovely bumper sticker. And even though
people in Connecticut consider it gauche to do this, I’m from Joisey, where
gauche is a way of life.
Some bumpers stickers are actually worth the effort:
I love animals, they taste great.
EARTH FIRST! We’ll stripmine the other planets later.
“Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes.”
Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.
Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
These new bumper stickers are great! But what about some of the older
bumper stickers from the 60’s and 70’s, that angst-ridden time where Baby
Boomers honed their free sex and fearmongering skills. With a wee bit of
updating, those bumper stickers can be brought back to life:
Honk If You’re ADHD. Again. Again.
I’d Rather Be Outsourcing
War Is Healthy for Cheney and Other Nonliving Things
I Brake for Charlize Theron
Avian Flu Fever!
The Jackson 5 (to 10 with Good Behavior)
My Other Car Is Another Infiniti
Anyway, a word of advice. Some of those old bumper stickers, like Off the
Pigs or Throw the Fuzz Out, might not be understood by today’s younger
police force. The old guys who know what they mean are now behind desks or
tending bar at the Off The Pigs Deli and Salon in Skokie, Illinois. And
anyway, why insult the hard working police, anyway, when you can go after
tastier targets: Off The Outsourcers, Throw The CFOs Out! With a little
imagination, you might even find something funny to say about the White
House….
